I M Not Where I Want To Be
Camila Farah
I m not ready to settle and i m not ready to alter my personal plans for someone else.
I m not complaining times have been good fast entertaining but what s the point if i m concealing not only love all other feeling. The christian life is not a constant high. I create an image of a future where i m happy and i long for it. I like guys but i don t want to be gay.
When the season starts i won t be where i want to be. I m getting better every day wade said. And maybe i don t want to be. Now i m where i want to be and who i want to be and doing what i always said i would and yet i feel i haven t won at all running for my life and never looking back in case there s.
I try to accept whatever comes. But to me it s more like i m avoiding my feelings. I feel bad so i want to be happy. I m grateful for that 20 of uncertainty because it s what kept me going and what continued to make me wonder whether life would get better which it did.
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Like apollo or saraswati or serapis. I have to go to god in prayer with tears in my eyes and say o god forgive me or help me. Or if you aren t into deities of knowledge like a ghost in the machine. I m not where i want to be but i m on my way.
Everyday is a work in progress to be better and work. I often fall into the habit of chasing happiness. 31 2k likes 796 comments deonna purrazzo deonnapurrazzo on instagram. I have my moments of deep discouragement.
The truth is i m not over him yet. I want it now. You might say i have multiple manifestations. The only thing i m ready for is discovering where my life takes me post grad.
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I don t want to find my true love yet. I ve come so far these last few years.
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